Author | Public Speaker | Activist
Conservative America’s relentless insistence on coinciding Christianity and gun ownership has always been baffling to me. While grocery shopping with my wife the other day, I saw a guy wearing a shirt that said: “PRO GOD | PRO GUN | PRO LIFE”
Read more
Part of me acknowledges that — perhaps — I’m the last person who has any right to write about the topic of being sexually violated. Part of me feels so guilty about what I did in 2010 that I feel like I somehow defacto-deserved what happened to me in 1998 (regardless of the timeline discrepancy). Read more
Reminders of the life I once lived haunt me like a tormented ghastly evil spirit. It seems like — on a daily basis — I am faced with someone from the past who either hates me for what I’ve done or was a direct participant in my out-of-control life. And every single time I see someone, it rattles me. Read more
I recently came across a George Orwell quote which made me stop and think.
I love quotes. I love those one-or-two lines of brilliance which could only be spoken by someone gifted in both knowledge and lexicon.
Here’s the quote:
“The further society drifts from the truth, the more it will hate those who speak it.”
Of course, anyone could apply this to nearly any situation with the proper context; I, of course, immediately thought of my own area of expertise: Educator Misconduct. After all, not only do I have first-hand experience, but I literally wrote the book on the issue. And, coinciding with this, many people hate me for it. Read more
I think, for many people, one of the most difficult moments in life is when we realize our dad isn’t invincible.
Yesterday, my dad lost his battle with Renal Cancer; he passed away at home. He was only 65-years-old.
Over the years, I’ve written some tough content about my past, about my poor choices, and about things which happened to me in my youth. However, nothing was as difficult as what I wrote today.
Today, with the permission of my family, I was given the honor and privilege of writing his obituary — and it was the most difficult thing I’ve ever written. However, as a professional author, I could think of no better tribute to my beloved father than the written voice of his obituary… Read more
Below is an email I received from a woman who read After 3PM. Her husband is a former high school teacher who had a relationship with one of his students. Her message is an extremely powerful testament to the importance, value, and impact of the message in After 3PM. With her permission, I am sharing this message. Here it is… Read more
On this date, six years ago, I was sent to prison.
Never in my life have I ever had a reason to look forward to November 2nd. In 2012, November 2nd was the date of my sentencing. In 2012, November 2nd was the day I was taken away in handcuffs. In 2012, November 2nd was the day I was escorted away from freedom and into prison. Before 2012, November 2nd was still a sad day — the anniversary of my grandmother’s death. So as far as I have been concerned, November 2nd has been an anniversary I have mourned every year since 1994. Read more
No matter what direction I turn, I find myself standing face-to-face with someone I’ve hurt. Be it some random public interaction with someone from my past or someone within my own family dynamic, I am repeatedly reminded of the lasting pain I’ve caused in the lives of other people as a result of my horrid choices. And recently, it has gotten worse.
Today is the official mainstream release date of my second book, Life Noir. It’s Book #1 in a series of four books about how I hit rock bottom and managed to claw my way back to what resembles a normal life. It is written as a first-person memoir, chronicling my life from my pubescent years in high school in the 90s, all the way up until the moment I walked out of freedom and into prison on November 2, 2012.
I would not breathe free air again for the next 25 months. Read more
I’ve been to prison. I spent 25 months in prison — 25 months away from my wife, my daughter, my parents, my friends, my family — torn from the ones I love due to my own destructive choices. And I am not so narrow-minded to assume I wasn’t the only one “doing time.” My wife, my daughter, and my family had to suffer through those 25 months as well, and it has had numerous lasting negative impacts, especially for my daughter.
But that prison sentence eventually ended; I was eventually allowed to go home. And yet, the 25 months I spent in prison is nothing compared to the life-long prison to which I am confined within my own mind, heart, and soul. Read more
Over the years, my personal relationship with “religion” has been nothing short of a rollercoaster. Before, during, and after prison, I have (on some — and often many — levels) struggled with what I should believe, from a “religious” perspective. My core beliefs have always fallen within the “Judeo-Christian” context, but being a person who often overthinks everything, I’d never been content with a singular truth. Read more
My wife and I just went to see the film, An Interview with God. It was a good movie and I really enjoyed the intellectual banter and discourse between the reporter and the man claiming to be God. The plot of the movie is simple: A journalist conducts three interviews in three days with a man claiming to be God — The God, in the Judeo-Christian sense.
So this reporter spends three days asking God questions about the world, about theology, and about God Himself. But in nearly every conversation, the topic turns to the life of the reporter. Thus, as the interviews progress, the reporter struggles with his on introspective context rather than his objective journalistic context.
This film, of course, is intended to (among other things) prompt the viewer to ask him/herself, “What would I ask God?” Read more
“Please don’t tell me everything is wonderful now!“
That phrase, painfully shouted by the band Everclear in their song “Wonderful,” perfectly describes where my mind is right now.
Today I was cleaning out our storage room and I came across several spools of old CD-R disks. They were ambiguously marked, which made me curious what was on them. Several said “CPU BACK-UP” but had no date, so I was curious what I could have backed-up from an old computer I had years ago. However, I wasn’t quite prepared for what I found.
Some people are merely petty, childish, bitter, and immature. And I just experienced a profound example of this concept.
My wife and I sat down to dinner with some friends at a local eatery recently. And as we were preparing to leave, a guy walked up to my wife and awkwardly stood there, looking at her without speaking. After a few more awkward moments, he finally extended his hand and spoke to her, slurring a drunken sloppy sentence resembling, “Hi, do you remember me?” The words stumbled out of his clumsy mouth in the same way he would later clumsily stumble out of the restaurant; it was painfully obvious that he was quite inebriated. Read more
It’s late at night.
Or, perhaps, it’s very early in the morning.
It’s dark outside.
It’s dark inside.
It’s raining.
I am sitting on my back porch, listening to the raindrops around me. They’re not merely raindrops; they are like the ones which make huge flat orbs on a windshield while driving through a late night storm — the ones that hit with an accentuated “thud.” I hear them hit the porch roof above me. I hear them plop into my backyard pond. I hear them falling.
Falling. Read more
I have my dream job!
Not many people can say that. I certainly took an unconventional (and unfortunate) route to get here, but I have achieved my goal: I am a full-time writer. Thanks to a pair of publishers who have taken a chance on me, my professional life’s #1 priority is my writing career. Everything else I do is simply what else I do. Everything else is just the other stuff — stuff that fills the gaps between the time I spend writing my work-in-progress. Read more
Allow me to share a parable I recently heard on The West Wing:
This parable perfectly illustrates why I do what I do — why I wrote After 3PM, why I make speeches, why I give interviews — that is why. I’ve been stuck in the depths of the issue I’m fighting — and I know the way out. Read more
There is something about the smell of blood — it never leaves the memory. When blood is experienced in mass quantities, there is a smell, and it smells like no other airborne emanation, except blood. It is the essence of life, but it emanates of death; it smells warm, even when it’s cold. It isn’t red, it isn’t maroon, it isn’t vermilion, it isn’t burgundy, it isn’t crimson, it isn’t scarlet — it’s blood. And blood in mass quantities, especially in an unfamiliar crime scene, casts a dark shadow from the floor upon the entire room, upon the entire building, upon the entire world. Read more
You will always be you. I will always be me. And there is nothing either of us can do about that. We’re stuck. You are you and I am me. And for some people, that’s perfectly fine. But for some of us with a regretful past of poor choices and unfortunate experiences, it almost seems like a dream to be someone else, if only for a short while.
But let’s be honest, that won’t happen. You will always be you and I will always be me. Yep, we’re stuck.
But there is still hope, there is still an option: Upgrades. Read more
Another Wichita-area teacher was arrested for having a sexual relationship with a student. This time, it was a Haysville teacher named Sheri Herrs — a P.E. teacher and track coach. She’s also married to a guy named Ryan. Sheri has (assuming she’s guilty) destroyed her career and scarred her marriage (which may or may not recover from this). She was arrested last night and booked into jail just before 7PM. She spent the night in the Sedgwick County Jail, and as much as I know she deserves to be there, I can’t help but hurt for her too — because I’ve been in the exact same situation, in the exact same place, thinking the exact same feelings of regret that she is feeling right now — at this very moment, as I type this very sentence, as she sits on a small metal cot with a flat plastic mattress, wondering what will happen to the rest of her life.
I’ve been there. I deserved to be there. She deserves to be there. But it could have been prevented. Read more
I feel like Walter White. In many ways, the parallels are uncanny; I could write an entire book on the subject. I mean, let’s face it, I’m a villain, right? Granted, I understand that this moniker may be my own personal over-dramatization of who I am in the eyes of many people — but am I wrong?
I don’t like being the bad guy, and I miss being the good guy. But here’s the problem with that: I’m the bad guy now, living a good life. When I was the good guy (the respected teacher, husband, colleague, mentor, etc.), I was secretly an evil son of a bitch. So even though I was perceived as good, I was pretty fucking bad. And now that I’m widely-despised, I’m actually living the moral life I should have been living in the first place.
I’m not sure if that’s irony or not, but it’s definitely interesting. Read more
Today is May the Fourth — affectionately known as Star Wars Day. So I’m obviously wearing my Millennium Falcom t-shirt and Star Wars: Episode IV is playing on my Blu-Ray player right now. I’ve loved Star Wars ever since I was a kid; maybe because, when I was a kid, life — and people — were so much simpler.
Needless to say, I am extremely excited for the upcoming newest installment of the Star Wars saga: Solo: A Star Wars Story, which chronicles the younger years of Han Solo (who is, incidentally, my favorite Star Wars character). Read more
I’ve been lying to myself. Ever since the moment I stepped out of prison, I’ve been lying to myself. I’ve been perpetuating a fallacy upon myself which has diluted my entire world-view and skewed my perspective of life. Because ever since I walked out of prison, I’ve been trying to convince myself (and everyone around me) that I’m a better version of who I was. I keep trying to convince myself that I’m a more moral person than who I was, a better husband than who I was, a better father than who I was, and a better friend (to my few remaining friends) than who I was. Read more
“It’s more comfortable to label me insane,” said the killer from the movie SE7EN.
“It’s very comfortable,” the detective replied.
I use this example often to describe why society feels “more comfortable” labeling people like me a “pedophile” or a “sexual predator” rather than seeking the actual causes for my choices and behaviors. However, I do not discount this perspective. It certainly is “more comfortable” to cast an accusatory finger upon someone who has done something terrible and immediately attribute his/her choices to some sort of sick affliction or mental illness. Read more
My first mainstream book, After 3PM, comes out in three weeks. And I wrote it for one reason: To change the system; to change perspectives; to make a difference.
But I find myself asking the pessimistic (yet potentially real) questions: Will my book make a difference? Will I make a difference? Will I matter?
If nothing else, these difficult years (ever since 2010, when I committed my crime) have made me an extremely self-aware person. Essentially, “I know my place.” Or, at least, I know what place society demands I remain: Out of sight — Out of mind. But that’s not what I’m doing. Read more
Right now, I’m reading Prozac Nation, a memoir by Elizabeth Wurtzel. The subtitle of the book is, “Young and Depressed in America: A Memoir.” I can relate because, a) I have a prescription for Prozac (which I don’t take); and b) I’m certainly depressed in America (though I’m not as young as I used to be). But what really drew me to this book was the foundation of the book: A writer struggling with depression, trying to make sense out of life, fighting self-destruction, and all the while, trying to be a writer.
Continued one-on-one therapy has helped me realize how and why I become self-destructive when I experience the depths of depression, how depression has related to my sexual addiction, and how to cope with depression when it hits. Read more
I was reading an article once about one of my favorite movies, The Dark Knight, and the writer said, “When you’re a kid, you cheer for Batman; when you’re an adult, you realize the Joker makes more sense.” This struck me as a bit of a cynical view of the world, regardless of how brilliantly Heath Ledger portrayed the Joker in that film. But it also made me wonder if being a villain had some sort of a morbid glamorous appeal to it. For example, I went to college with a guy who said (on multiple occasions), “The movie Blow always makes me want to be a cocaine dealer.”
But trust me, being the villain isn’t glamorous; it’s torturous. Read more
Why is our contemporary society so selective about our own morality, based simply on the object or individual? Essentially, why is it okay for certain people to be immoral based on who they are or the medium in which the immoral behavior is being disseminated?
Why do Americans claim to despise immoral behavior in certain contexts, but seem to readily accept it from popular culture, politicians, athletes, and actors? Why does it take extreme instances of immorality (such as Harvey Weinstein) for people to finally speak out against this sort of thing? Read more
When I was at my lowest, there were people who were there for me.
And knowing that, I will — for the rest of my life — be there for them. I owe so much to so many people for being unconditionally supportive when I was in the depths of recovery; recovery not simply from being in prison, but also recovery from sexual addiction as well as the painful recovery from the self-revelation that I was, at the age of 18, raped.
Fortunately, I am able to talk about that — the most traumatic experience of my youth — but I am also a little afraid it seems cliche or even cheesy for me to continue to talk about it. But the truth is, I’m still dealing with it, I’m still handling it, I’m still coming to terms with it, so I still need to talk about it. Therefore, since I’m a writer, I need to write about it. Read more
When I look back upon my life, my experiences, and my choices, I can only think of one phrase: “Well, that was fucked up.”
If my life was ever made into a movie, the only two directors who could do it justice would be Quentin Tarantino or Martin Scorsese.
Perhaps it’s a bit too cliche to wish I could speak to my younger self.
So I won’t say that. Fuck that. Never mind. Read more
It is a common misconception that the brief relationship I had with my former student was a result of some sort of deviant desire to engage with an underage girl. I think it is vital to the purpose of my endeavors to dispel this assumption with immediacy.
I fully admit that I had a physical relationship with a girl who was 15 while I was a high school teacher. And to quote A Few Good Men, “These are the facts, and they are undisputed.” However, what is in dispute is my personal motivation behind why these things happened. Read more
As I type these words, I have no idea where I’m going with this, so you may just have to bear with me. All I know is, I’ve spent the whole day in a terrible headspace and it is an inner-turmoil which I can’t seem to get over. Perhaps it’s because I keep looking at my ruined life, remembering the great life I had and threw away because of my own destructive choices.
I mean, here’s the thing: I was a sentimental and reminiscent kind of guy before I committed my crime and went to prison. But in the past, my reminiscence was based on the fact that time had simply passed and the past passed into the past. It was simply — time. Time took away the life I enjoyed. I had no choice in the matter; I had to grow up, I had to move on, I had to progress through life. Read more
For the record, I am not trying to be the “good guy.” I’m not trying to be some sort of great person doing a great thing — nothing of the sort. I know what kind of person I am (or was) and I know the sins of my past do not deserve forgiveness. I am not speaking out against my crime (and ongoing crimes like it) because I’m trying to cultivate some kind of image or seem like less of a bad guy.
I am speaking-out because it is the right thing to do. If there’s one mantra from Sex Addicts Anonymous which I’ve genuinely taken to heart, it’s the cliche, “Do the next right thing.” Read more
I have come to the conclusion that we — as citizens and as humans — do not possess the ability to cohesively and peacefully disagree.
I recently had a discussion with my best friend about the recent Government Shutdown. She is a Republican and supports Donald Trump. In our discussion, I never said anything which directly insulted Trump (other than the mention of his approval rating as well as recommending a Google Search of Stormy Daniels), but since we happened to disagree in the realm of politics (which has become the most divisive issue in contemporary America), she didn’t see it as a discussion with two opposing viewpoints (point / counterpoint), but instead, she saw it as an argument or a fight. Read more
Alicia Thompson — Superintendent
Wichita Public Schools | USD 259
903 S. Edgemoor
Wichita, Kansas 67218
Dear Dr. Thompson,
My name is Kurt Michael Brundage. You probably haven’t heard of me, but perhaps you have. In April, my book, After 3PM, will be released nation-wide. This will be a groundbreaking new book about the epidemic of unlawful teacher/student relationships in America.
In the book, I provide a unique and unheard context regarding this issue; in 2012, I was a high school teacher who was arrested, convicted, and sent to prison for a relationship with a former student. At the time of my crime, I was an IB English Teacher at Wichita East High School. Today, moving forward, my prime objective is to give back to the educational community, doing my part to remedy the issue to which I tragically and destructively contributed. Read more
I know what people think of me.
I don’t pretend to think I’m “okay” with the world; or, I suppose, more specifically, I don’t pretend to think the world is “okay” with me.
I have a label — a brand, a Scarlet Letter — and some people will hate me because of what I did in 2010 regardless of what I do for the rest of my life, even if my life’s endeavor is now to battle the moral issue to which I tragically and unfortunately contributed. Read more
I suppose I never really grasped the personal value of shallow friends until I no longer had any. By definition, a shallow friend is not really a friend at all — someone we know, talk to, socialize with — someone beyond a mere acquaintance (or, so we thought). But here’s the thing about shallow friends: they are conditional friends.
But here’s the caveat to that: You really can’t discern the difference between a true friend and a shallow friend until the friendship is put to the test — a test of genuine acceptance and true character. Read more
Talk to me.
Seriously. Give it a try. Talk to me. I’m a real person, I promise. Admittedly, I didn’t learn how to be a human being until I was 37-years-old. So if you haven’t spoken to me since then — or at all — by all means, let’s talk!
If you hate what I did, then you and I are on the same page. I hate what I did as well. However, if you hate me now because of what I did then, you need to reconsider. Because many will agree that, after two years in prison and even more years of therapy, I am not even a shadow of the person I once was. Read more
Have you ever stared into the deep, black, empty, bottomless eyes of the Devil himself? I have. And it won’t be the last time. I don’t pretend to think I’ll escape my sins without paying what I owe, no matter how much good I try to accomplish with the remaining years, months, weeks, days, or even hours of my life. So before this life is all over, I believe I will have one last face-to-face stare-down with Satan himself, his black eyes piercing the darkness with a shooting pain that stabs my soul like an ice pick. Read more
As of today, I have been home from prison for three years.
So perhaps it’s time for a bit of reflection.
As I look back over those three years, have I accomplished anything? I mean, sure, I’ve written two books (with numerous more in production), I’ve run three marathons, repaired a few relationships (and been ostracized from many others), I’ve given a speech at a national conference, I’ve been interviewed numerous times in the media — but what does any (or all) of that mean?
Have I made a difference yet? Read more
A few months ago, I wrote a series of letters to school districts and universities in my immediate vicinity, informing them of my goals as a public speaker (and author), as well as offering to come speak to faculties, administrators, or future teachers in college regarding the issue of unlawful teacher/student relationships. Two colleges replied, neither of which followed-through. Not a single school district replied. Every single school district ignored my letter, including the Kansas City Public Schools in Kansas City, Missouri.
I’m not surprised. Read more
The educational community has rejected me once again.
Another potential speaking engagement has been canceled.
There was an inquiry recently about having me speak at a local venue, and the owner of the venue sought feedback from teachers and administrators in the area regarding the issue at hand, and as hard as she tried, educators refused to entertain the possibility of broaching the subject of unlawful teacher/student relationships. Read more
Dear Old Friend,
Until yesterday, we hadn’t spoken in a decade. In the back of my mind, I was 99% sure — because of the context of our former acquaintanceship — we would likely never speak again. But then, you began reading my writing. And then you read my book. And then we spoke. And then you forgave me.
Some people in this world really do have the right to loathe and despise me — for reasons I would never fault them — and you were one of them. And yet, your understanding and compassion prevailed over your judgment and discomfort. Not many people have that kind of dignified integrity; so, for that, I want to say Thank You. Read more
When I was 18 years old, I was raped. In a vulnerable moment of pseudo-consciousness and inebriated confusion, a “friend” of mine — a male “friend” — sexually violated me in a manner that changed my life, forever.
In the news recently, there has been a plethora of sexual assault victims who have stepped forward and identified the individual who assaulted them. This has happened to numerous celebrities, and (I assume) many people who are not famous. I deeply admire the courage it takes to do this, but I will not be one of them.
Only two people know the identity of my rapist: My wife and my sister. And both have promised to keep this secret. Read more
I think everyone should strive to learn a new life-lesson every day. Life is not at a shortage of lessons to be learned, so as long as we keep our eyes and ears open, there is plenty we can learn from our everyday run-of-the-mill life experiences. Some of these lessons are simple and pleasant, others are difficult, bitter, and painful.
For example, here is the lesson I learned today: “Putting others before yourself is noble; but most people will not reciprocate this gesture.” Read more
“Anyone can achieve their fullest potential. Who we are might be predetermined, but the path we follow is always of our own choosing. We should never allow our fears or the expectations of others to set the frontiers of our destiny. Your destiny can’t be changed but, it can be challenged. Every man is born as many men and dies as a single one.”
We all become who we were meant to become. I firmly believe that because I firmly believe in a God who intends the lives of all people to serve a purpose. And while I believe each person makes his/her own choices (and bears the weight of the consequences), it is also incumbent upon each of us to figure out where (and who) we are supposed to be in this world — and sometimes, an integral part of that is determining where we do not belong.
“What did you ever do to change the world?” asked Trevor, the young boy in the film Pay It Forward. I ask myself that question every day, and that is why I do what I do. Read more
July 24, 2013
My Loving Wife,
Today I had a troubling thought process. I was watching a show on The History Channel about serial killers, and (of course) they did a segment about the BTK killer, Dennis Rader. It was interesting because he’s from Wichita and I’ve personally seen him (through the window of his cell), but one thing about the show kind of got to me a little.
As the show was narrating about him, describing his crimes, it showed a brief clip of him walking in shackles, wearing a red prison jumpsuit, walking between buildings in the R.D.U. Unit of the El Dorado Correctional Facility. I saw that, took a deep breath, and realized something: I walked that exact same sidewalk, wearing an identical red jumpsuit, being escorted across the compound numerous times during my seven weeks in R.D.U. Read more
There are dates we all remember as significant parts of our lives: wedding anniversaries, births of children, deaths of loved ones, etc. And for me, in addition to these, there are three unique dates I will never forget: March 9th, November 2nd, and December 5th.
March 9, 2012 — I was arrested for my crimes.
November 2, 2012 — I was sentenced to 32 months in prison.
December 5th, 2014 — I was released from prison.
——— Today is November 2nd. ———
Five years ago today, I was escorted from freedom. Five years ago today, I inhaled my last breath of free air, and wouldn’t again smell the sweet aroma of freedom for the next 763 days. Read more
Thursday—6:03 AM (CDT): On the Tarmac
I literally made my flight with 40 seconds to spare (thanks to the long TSA line.) And now I’m sitting in the best row of coach — that first row behind First Class, the row with the extra leg room. Score!
I am flying from here to Denver, then on to Phoenix for my first major public appearance. I am speaking at the annual conference of the National Association of Teacher Certification tomorrow. So today is a travel day, today is a preparatory day, today is a day to be nervous.
I’m not nervous about speaking. I’m not nervous about the questions I’m going to get during the Q&A session at the end of my speech. Read more
Last night’s act or terror in Las Vegas is dominating the news today — and, I suppose, rightfully so. However, something else tragic has happened, and it may fall through the cracks.
Legendary rocker Tom Petty has died.
I’ve written many times in the past that music has always been a source of comfort and expression for me, and the music of Tom Petty is no different. When I was a kid, I taught myself how to play the guitar. And as I learned, I taught myself about half-a-dozen songs; two of those songs were “Mary Jane’s Last Dance” and “Free Fallin’.” Tom Petty’s album, Wildflowers, is one of my favorite albums from the 90s. And I love his music from his time as a solo artist, his time with The Heartbreakers, and (most of all) his time with the Traveling Wilburys (the greatest supergroup in music history — made up of, among others, Roy Orbison, Bob Dylan and George Harrison). Read more
With all due respect, I hope Corbin Breitenbach dies in prison — slowly, painfully, and without mercy.
Of course, I — along with 95% of the population of Wichita, Kansas — am pretty certain, based on the available evidence, that Corbin Breitenbach is guilty of sexually assaulting a 7-year-old girl on June 11, 2017. As far as I’m concerned — speaking as a father — the only brand of mercy this man deserves is leniency regarding which circle of Hell into which he shall be cast. Read more
Today, for the first time in quite a while, I wept.
I have seemingly hurt an innumerable amount of people in vastly immeasurable ways. And for this, I will always hate myself. I know I’ve hurt people — I’ve always known I hurt people — but today, perhaps for the first time, I really became aware of the pain I’ve caused. And as a result, I now know the true reason for why I am so dedicated to speaking out against teacher/student relationships:
I want to protect those students from — me. Read more
“Brundage said he expects some backlash against
his book project and speaking engagements.”
After being interviewed by the Wichita Eagle and having the article released, I found myself grateful that I do not use Facebook. The few social media accounts which feature my writing are run by a publicist. I actually more-or-less loathe Facebook because it has become the depth of social hatred, arguments, and disgrace (and if you don’t believe me, read an article about politics — and the comments). Read more
