Kurt Michael Brundage

In an ordinary world, an ordinary man lived an ordinary life. That man is not me. From the youthful and optimistic days of my young adulthood to the broken and mended 30-something of today, I have risen to the peaks and summits of life’s mountains, and I have fallen to the depths of life’s deepest valleys. Yet I have always found it within me to stand from the rubble and dust-off, lessons learned.

At the height of life, I was the most popular teacher at the largest high school in the state. At the depth of life, I sat in a prison cell and wished for nothing more than the end of the emotional pain I’d brought upon myself and those around me. And the winding roller coaster in between, as well as the peaks and valleys, have bestowed upon me a lifetime of experiences and lessons, triumphs and tragedies, rejoicings and regrets. The victim of my own success, I played the part of the superhero while acting as the supervillain. And in the end, I had nothing to show for it but a humiliated life and a ruined career, but also a loving and committed wife who refused to let our marriage fail.

Now, with her support, I have become the quintessential story of remorse, repentance, rejuvenation, and redemption. Today, I am driven through life by the need to be a positive part of the world — to do so much good in life with my remaining days on earth that it will someday outweigh the bad. I spent too many years playing the part of the tragic villain; I am putting Saul behind me and I am living as Paul, I am working as Paul, and I am writing as Paul. There is at least one part of the world — one part of societal reality — that I believe I can change. And I have the drive, the experience, and the talent to do it. Opportunity awaits.

I am a writer.

I am also a former teacher, a recovering sex addict, a convicted criminal, and a villain to many. I am trying to put my life back together, trying to be a husband again, trying to be a father again, trying to be a citizen again; and the “Ongoing Commentary” is my way of making sense of the world around me; it is my way of coping.

I’m tired of being the villain…

I’m not a horrible person. I’m not evil. I’m not sick. I’m not predatory. I’m not deviant. I am a fallen and fallible human being who made some really bad choices.

Imagine if your life’s entire legacy was based solely on the worst decision you’ve ever made — the worst thing you’ve ever done. Because that is my reality.

Life didn’t deal me a bad hand. In fact, I was dealt a great hand. But I played my hand badly – stupidly – and I lost a lot because of it; there is no one to blame but me. And now I’ve been dealt new cards, and I don’t have many chips left – but I refuse to walk away from the table; I haven’t lost yet. The game isn’t over until I’ve won, or until I’ve lost my last chip. Either way, I have no choice but to keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done.

But regardless, I am still Kurt Michael Brundage. And I must always carry that weight.

“So it goes.”

Love is all you need. It’s just too bad Christians don’t understand this simple concept. Christians have become the most unloving, unaccepting, intolerable people in the world.

Obviously, I don’t mean all Christians. Many Christians are amazing Christ-serving people who live for Him. But those are not the people who have shaped the world’s perception of the followers of Jesus Christ. Read more →

Conservative America’s relentless insistence on coinciding Christianity and gun ownership has always been baffling to me. While grocery shopping with my wife the other day, I saw a guy wearing a shirt that said: “PRO GOD | PRO GUN | PRO LIFE”
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Part of me acknowledges that — perhaps — I’m the last person who has any right to write about the topic of being sexually violated. Part of me feels so guilty about what I did in 2010 that I feel like I somehow defacto-deserved what happened to me in 1998 (regardless of the timeline discrepancy). Read more →

Reminders of the life I once lived haunt me like a tormented ghastly evil spirit. It seems like — on a daily basis — I am faced with someone from the past who either hates me for what I’ve done or was a direct participant in my out-of-control life. And every single time I see someone, it rattles me. Read more →

I recently came across a George Orwell quote which made me stop and think.

I love quotes. I love those one-or-two lines of brilliance which could only be spoken by someone gifted in both knowledge and lexicon.

Here’s the quote:

“The further society drifts from the truth, the more it will hate those who speak it.”

Of course, anyone could apply this to nearly any situation with the proper context; I, of course, immediately thought of my own area of expertise: Educator Misconduct. After all, not only do I have first-hand experience, but I literally wrote the book on the issue. And, coinciding with this, many people hate me for it. Read more →

I think, for many people, one of the most difficult moments in life is when we realize our dad isn’t invincible. 

Yesterday, my dad lost his battle with Renal Cancer; he passed away at home. He was only 65-years-old.

Over the years, I’ve written some tough content about my past, about my poor choices, and about things which happened to me in my youth. However, nothing was as difficult as what I wrote today.

Today, with the permission of my family, I was given the honor and privilege of writing his obituary — and it was the most difficult thing I’ve ever written. However, as a professional author, I could think of no better tribute to my beloved father than the written voice of his obituary… Read more →

Below is an email I received from a woman who read After 3PM. Her husband is a former high school teacher who had a relationship with one of his students. Her message is an extremely powerful testament to the importance, value, and impact of the message in After 3PM. With her permission, I am sharing this message. Here it is… Read more →

On this date, six years ago, I was sent to prison.

Never in my life have I ever had a reason to look forward to November 2nd. In 2012, November 2nd was the date of my sentencing. In 2012, November 2nd was the day I was taken away in handcuffs. In 2012, November 2nd was the day I was escorted away from freedom and into prison. Before 2012, November 2nd was still a sad day — the anniversary of my grandmother’s death. So as far as I have been concerned, November 2nd has been an anniversary I have mourned every year since 1994. Read more →

No matter what direction I turn, I find myself standing face-to-face with someone I’ve hurt. Be it some random public interaction with someone from my past or someone within my own family dynamic, I am repeatedly reminded of the lasting pain I’ve caused in the lives of other people as a result of my horrid choices. And recently, it has gotten worse.

Today is the official mainstream release date of my second book, Life Noir. It’s Book #1 in a series of four books about how I hit rock bottom and managed to claw my way back to what resembles a normal life. It is written as a first-person memoir, chronicling my life from my pubescent years in high school in the 90s, all the way up until the moment I walked out of freedom and into prison on November 2, 2012.

I would not breathe free air again for the next 25 months. Read more →

I’ve been to prison. I spent 25 months in prison — 25 months away from my wife, my daughter, my parents, my friends, my family — torn from the ones I love due to my own destructive choices. And I am not so narrow-minded to assume I wasn’t the only one “doing time.” My wife, my daughter, and my family had to suffer through those 25 months as well, and it has had numerous lasting negative impacts, especially for my daughter.

But that prison sentence eventually ended; I was eventually allowed to go home. And yet, the 25 months I spent in prison is nothing compared to the life-long prison to which I am confined within my own mind, heart, and soul. Read more →

Over the years, my personal relationship with “religion” has been nothing short of a rollercoaster. Before, during, and after prison, I have (on some — and often many — levels) struggled with what I should believe, from a “religious” perspective. My core beliefs have always fallen within the “Judeo-Christian” context, but being a person who often overthinks everything, I’d never been content with a singular truth. Read more →

My wife and I just went to see the film, An Interview with God. It was a good movie and I really enjoyed the intellectual banter and discourse between the reporter and the man claiming to be God. The plot of the movie is simple: A journalist conducts three interviews in three days with a man claiming to be God — The God, in the Judeo-Christian sense.

So this reporter spends three days asking God questions about the world, about theology, and about God Himself. But in nearly every conversation, the topic turns to the life of the reporter. Thus, as the interviews progress, the reporter struggles with his on introspective context rather than his objective journalistic context.

This film, of course, is intended to (among other things) prompt the viewer to ask him/herself, “What would I ask God?” Read more →

“Please don’t tell me everything is wonderful now!“

That phrase, painfully shouted by the band Everclear in their song “Wonderful,” perfectly describes where my mind is right now.

Today I was cleaning out our storage room and I came across several spools of old CD-R disks. They were ambiguously marked, which made me curious what was on them. Several said “CPU BACK-UP” but had no date, so I was curious what I could have backed-up from an old computer I had years ago. However, I wasn’t quite prepared for what I found.

Read more →

Some people are merely petty, childish, bitter, and immature. And I just experienced a profound example of this concept.

My wife and I sat down to dinner with some friends at a local eatery recently. And as we were preparing to leave, a guy walked up to my wife and awkwardly stood there, looking at her without speaking. After a few more awkward moments, he finally extended his hand and spoke to her, slurring a drunken sloppy sentence resembling, “Hi, do you remember me?” The words stumbled out of his clumsy mouth in the same way he would later clumsily stumble out of the restaurant; it was painfully obvious that he was quite inebriated. Read more →

I have my dream job!

Not many people can say that. I certainly took an unconventional (and unfortunate) route to get here, but I have achieved my goal: I am a full-time writer. Thanks to a pair of publishers who have taken a chance on me, my professional life’s #1 priority is my writing career. Everything else I do is simply what else I do. Everything else is just the other stuff — stuff that fills the gaps between the time I spend writing my work-in-progress. Read more →

Allow me to share a parable I recently heard on The West Wing:

This guy’s walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can’t get out. A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up, “Hey you. Can you help me out?” The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, “Father, I’m down in this hole can you help me out?” The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a friend walks by, “Hey, Joe, it’s me can you help me out?” And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, “Are you stupid? Now we’re both down here.” The friend says, “Yeah, but I’ve been down here before and I know the way out.”

This parable perfectly illustrates why I do what I do — why I wrote After 3PM, why I make speeches, why I give interviews — that is why. I’ve been stuck in the depths of the issue I’m fighting — and I know the way out. Read more →

There is something about the smell of blood — it never leaves the memory. When blood is experienced in mass quantities, there is a smell, and it smells like no other airborne emanation, except blood. It is the essence of life, but it emanates of death; it smells warm, even when it’s cold. It isn’t red, it isn’t maroon, it isn’t vermilion, it isn’t burgundy, it isn’t crimson, it isn’t scarlet — it’s blood. And blood in mass quantities, especially in an unfamiliar crime scene, casts a dark shadow from the floor upon the entire room, upon the entire building, upon the entire world. Read more →

You will always be you. I will always be me. And there is nothing either of us can do about that. We’re stuck. You are you and I am me. And for some people, that’s perfectly fine. But for some of us with a regretful past of poor choices and unfortunate experiences, it almost seems like a dream to be someone else, if only for a short while.

But let’s be honest, that won’t happen. You will always be you and I will always be me. Yep, we’re stuck.

But there is still hope, there is still an option: Upgrades. Read more →

Another Wichita-area teacher was arrested for having a sexual relationship with a student. This time, it was a Haysville teacher named Sheri Herrs — a P.E. teacher and track coach. She’s also married to a guy named Ryan. Sheri has (assuming she’s guilty) destroyed her career and scarred her marriage (which may or may not recover from this). She was arrested last night and booked into jail just before 7PM. She spent the night in the Sedgwick County Jail, and as much as I know she deserves to be there, I can’t help but hurt for her too — because I’ve been in the exact same situation, in the exact same place, thinking the exact same feelings of regret that she is feeling right now — at this very moment, as I type this very sentence, as she sits on a small metal cot with a flat plastic mattress, wondering what will happen to the rest of her life.

I’ve been there. I deserved to be there. She deserves to be there. But it could have been prevented. Read more →

I feel like Walter White. In many ways, the parallels are uncanny; I could write an entire book on the subject. I mean, let’s face it, I’m a villain, right? Granted, I understand that this moniker may be my own personal over-dramatization of who I am in the eyes of many people — but am I wrong?

I don’t like being the bad guy, and I miss being the good guy. But here’s the problem with that: I’m the bad guy now, living a good life. When I was the good guy (the respected teacher, husband, colleague, mentor, etc.), I was secretly an evil son of a bitch. So even though I was perceived as good, I was pretty fucking bad. And now that I’m widely-despised, I’m actually living the moral life I should have been living in the first place.

I’m not sure if that’s irony or not, but it’s definitely interesting. Read more →

“Assume everyone will betray you, and you’ll never be disappointed.”
—Solo: A Star Wars Story

Today is May the Fourth — affectionately known as Star Wars Day. So I’m obviously wearing my Millennium Falcom t-shirt and Star Wars: Episode IV is playing on my Blu-Ray player right now. I’ve loved Star Wars ever since I was a kid; maybe because, when I was a kid, life — and people — were so much simpler.

Needless to say, I am extremely excited for the upcoming newest installment of the Star Wars saga: Solo: A Star Wars Story, which chronicles the younger years of Han Solo (who is, incidentally, my favorite Star Wars character). Read more →

“If you live like it’s the past and you behave like it’s the past,
then guys from the future find it very hard to see you.”
–Body of Lies 

I’ve been lying to myself. Ever since the moment I stepped out of prison, I’ve been lying to myself. I’ve been perpetuating a fallacy upon myself which has diluted my entire world-view and skewed my perspective of life. Because ever since I walked out of prison, I’ve been trying to convince myself (and everyone around me) that I’m a better version of who I was. I keep trying to convince myself that I’m a more moral person than who I was, a better husband than who I was, a better father than who I was, and a better friend (to my few remaining friends) than who I was. Read more →

“It’s more comfortable to label me insane,” said the killer from the movie SE7EN.

“It’s very comfortable,” the detective replied.

I use this example often to describe why society feels “more comfortable” labeling people like me a “pedophile” or a “sexual predator” rather than seeking the actual causes for my choices and behaviors. However, I do not discount this perspective. It certainly is “more comfortable” to cast an accusatory finger upon someone who has done something terrible and immediately attribute his/her choices to some sort of sick affliction or mental illness. Read more →

My first mainstream book, After 3PM, comes out in three weeks. And I wrote it for one reason: To change the system; to change perspectives; to make a difference.

But I find myself asking the pessimistic (yet potentially real) questions: Will my book make a difference? Will I make a difference? Will I matter?

If nothing else, these difficult years (ever since 2010, when I committed my crime) have made me an extremely self-aware person. Essentially, “I know my place.” Or, at least, I know what place society demands I remain: Out of sight — Out of mind. But that’s not what I’m doing. Read more →

“Hemingway has his classic moment in ‘The Sun Also Rises’ when someone asks Mike Campbell how he went bankrupt. All he can say is, ‘Gradually, then suddenly.’ That’s how depression hits. You wake up one morning, afraid that you’re gonna live.”

—Elizabeth Wurtzel, “Prozac Nation”

Right now, I’m reading Prozac Nation, a memoir by Elizabeth Wurtzel. The subtitle of the book is, “Young and Depressed in America: A Memoir.” I can relate because, a) I have a prescription for Prozac (which I don’t take); and b) I’m certainly depressed in America (though I’m not as young as I used to be). But what really drew me to this book was the foundation of the book: A writer struggling with depression, trying to make sense out of life, fighting self-destruction, and all the while, trying to be a writer.

Continued one-on-one therapy has helped me realize how and why I become self-destructive when I experience the depths of depression, how depression has related to my sexual addiction, and how to cope with depression when it hits. Read more →

“We’re all the heroes of our own story, without even realizing we’re probably the bad guy in someone else’s.”

–Everything Sucks

I was reading an article once about one of my favorite movies, The Dark Knight, and the writer said, “When you’re a kid, you cheer for Batman; when you’re an adult, you realize the Joker makes more sense.” This struck me as a bit of a cynical view of the world, regardless of how brilliantly Heath Ledger portrayed the Joker in that film. But it also made me wonder if being a villain had some sort of a morbid glamorous appeal to it. For example, I went to college with a guy who said (on multiple occasions), “The movie Blow always makes me want to be a cocaine dealer.”

But trust me, being the villain isn’t glamorous; it’s torturous. Read more →

Why is our contemporary society so selective about our own morality, based simply on the object or individual? Essentially, why is it okay for certain people to be immoral based on who they are or the medium in which the immoral behavior is being disseminated?

Why do Americans claim to despise immoral behavior in certain contexts, but seem to readily accept it from popular culture, politicians, athletes, and actors? Why does it take extreme instances of immorality (such as Harvey Weinstein) for people to finally speak out against this sort of thing? Read more →

When I was at my lowest, there were people who were there for me.

And knowing that, I will — for the rest of my life — be there for them. I owe so much to so many people for being unconditionally supportive when I was in the depths of recovery; recovery not simply from being in prison, but also recovery from sexual addiction as well as the painful recovery from the self-revelation that I was, at the age of 18, raped.

Fortunately, I am able to talk about that — the most traumatic experience of my youth — but I am also a little afraid it seems cliche or even cheesy for me to continue to talk about it. But the truth is, I’m still dealing with it, I’m still handling it, I’m still coming to terms with it, so I still need to talk about it. Therefore, since I’m a writer, I need to write about it. Read more →

When I look back upon my life, my experiences, and my choices, I can only think of one phrase: “Well, that was fucked up.”

If my life was ever made into a movie, the only two directors who could do it justice would be Quentin Tarantino or Martin Scorsese.

Perhaps it’s a bit too cliche to wish I could speak to my younger self.
So I won’t say that. Fuck that. Never mind. Read more →

It is a common misconception that the brief relationship I had with my former student was a result of some sort of deviant desire to engage with an underage girl. I think it is vital to the purpose of my endeavors to dispel this assumption with immediacy.

I fully admit that I had a physical relationship with a girl who was 15 while I was a high school teacher. And to quote A Few Good Men, “These are the facts, and they are undisputed.” However, what is in dispute is my personal motivation behind why these things happened. Read more →

I have come to the conclusion that we — as citizens and as humans — do not possess the ability to cohesively and peacefully disagree.

I recently had a discussion with my best friend about the recent Government Shutdown. She is a Republican and supports Donald Trump. In our discussion, I never said anything which directly insulted Trump (other than the mention of his approval rating as well as recommending a Google Search of Stormy Daniels), but since we happened to disagree in the realm of politics (which has become the most divisive issue in contemporary America), she didn’t see it as a discussion with two opposing viewpoints (point / counterpoint), but instead, she saw it as an argument or a fight. Read more →

Alicia Thompson — Superintendent
Wichita Public Schools | USD 259
903 S. Edgemoor
Wichita, Kansas 67218

Dear Dr. Thompson,

My name is Kurt Michael Brundage. You probably haven’t heard of me, but perhaps you have. In April, my book, After 3PM, will be released nation-wide. This will be a groundbreaking new book about the epidemic of unlawful teacher/student relationships in America.

In the book, I provide a unique and unheard context regarding this issue; in 2012, I was a high school teacher who was arrested, convicted, and sent to prison for a relationship with a former student. At the time of my crime, I was an IB English Teacher at Wichita East High School. Today, moving forward, my prime objective is to give back to the educational community, doing my part to remedy the issue to which I tragically and destructively contributed. Read more →

I know what people think of me.

I don’t pretend to think I’m “okay” with the world; or, I suppose, more specifically, I don’t pretend to think the world is “okay” with me.

I have a label — a brand, a Scarlet Letter — and some people will hate me because of what I did in 2010 regardless of what I do for the rest of my life, even if my life’s endeavor is now to battle the moral issue to which I tragically and unfortunately contributed. Read more →

I suppose I never really grasped the personal value of shallow friends until I no longer had any. By definition, a shallow friend is not really a friend at all — someone we know, talk to, socialize with — someone beyond a mere acquaintance (or, so we thought). But here’s the thing about shallow friends: they are conditional friends.

But here’s the caveat to that: You really can’t discern the difference between a true friend and a shallow friend until the friendship is put to the test — a test of genuine acceptance and true character. Read more →

Talk to me.

Seriously. Give it a try. Talk to me. I’m a real person, I promise. Admittedly, I didn’t learn how to be a human being until I was 37-years-old. So if you haven’t spoken to me since then — or at all — by all means, let’s talk!

If you hate what I did, then you and I are on the same page. I hate what I did as well. However, if you hate me now because of what I did then, you need to reconsider. Because many will agree that, after two years in prison and even more years of therapy, I am not even a shadow of the person I once was. Read more →

Have you ever stared into the deep, black, empty, bottomless eyes of the Devil himself? I have. And it won’t be the last time. I don’t pretend to think I’ll escape my sins without paying what I owe, no matter how much good I try to accomplish with the remaining years, months, weeks, days, or even hours of my life. So before this life is all over, I believe I will have one last face-to-face stare-down with Satan himself, his black eyes piercing the darkness with a shooting pain that stabs my soul like an ice pick. Read more →

As of today, I have been home from prison for three years.

So perhaps it’s time for a bit of reflection.

As I look back over those three years, have I accomplished anything? I mean, sure, I’ve written two books (with numerous more in production), I’ve run three marathons, repaired a few relationships (and been ostracized from many others), I’ve given a speech at a national conference, I’ve been interviewed numerous times in the media — but what does any (or all) of that mean?

Have I made a difference yet? Read more →

A few months ago, I wrote a series of letters to school districts and universities in my immediate vicinity, informing them of my goals as a public speaker (and author), as well as offering to come speak to faculties, administrators, or future teachers in college regarding the issue of unlawful teacher/student relationships. Two colleges replied, neither of which followed-through. Not a single school district replied. Every single school district ignored my letter, including the Kansas City Public Schools in Kansas City, Missouri.

I’m not surprised. Read more →

The educational community has rejected me once again.
Another potential speaking engagement has been canceled.

There was an inquiry recently about having me speak at a local venue, and the owner of the venue sought feedback from teachers and administrators in the area regarding the issue at hand, and as hard as she tried, educators refused to entertain the possibility of broaching the subject of unlawful teacher/student relationships. Read more →

Dear Old Friend,

Until yesterday, we hadn’t spoken in a decade. In the back of my mind, I was 99% sure — because of the context of our former acquaintanceship — we would likely never speak again. But then, you began reading my writing. And then you read my book. And then we spoke. And then you forgave me.

Some people in this world really do have the right to loathe and despise me — for reasons I would never fault them — and you were one of them. And yet, your understanding and compassion prevailed over your judgment and discomfort. Not many people have that kind of dignified integrity; so, for that, I want to say Thank You. Read more →

I think everyone should strive to learn a new life-lesson every day. Life is not at a shortage of lessons to be learned, so as long as we keep our eyes and ears open, there is plenty we can learn from our everyday run-of-the-mill life experiences. Some of these lessons are simple and pleasant, others are difficult, bitter, and painful.

For example, here is the lesson I learned today: “Putting others before yourself is noble; but most people will not reciprocate this gesture.” Read more →

July 24, 2013

My Loving Wife,

Today I had a troubling thought process. I was watching a show on The History Channel about serial killers, and (of course) they did a segment about the BTK killer, Dennis Rader. It was interesting because he’s from Wichita and I’ve personally seen him (through the window of his cell), but one thing about the show kind of got to me a little.

As the show was narrating about him, describing his crimes, it showed a brief clip of him walking in shackles, wearing a red prison jumpsuit, walking between buildings in the R.D.U. Unit of the El Dorado Correctional Facility. I saw that, took a deep breath, and realized something: I walked that exact same sidewalk, wearing an identical red jumpsuit, being escorted across the compound numerous times during my seven weeks in R.D.U. Read more →

Last night’s act or terror in Las Vegas is dominating the news today — and, I suppose, rightfully so. However, something else tragic has happened, and it may fall through the cracks.

Legendary rocker Tom Petty has died.

I’ve written many times in the past that music has always been a source of comfort and expression for me, and the music of Tom Petty is no different. When I was a kid, I taught myself how to play the guitar. And as I learned, I taught myself about half-a-dozen songs; two of those songs were “Mary Jane’s Last Dance” and “Free Fallin’.” Tom Petty’s album, Wildflowers, is one of my favorite albums from the 90s. And I love his music from his time as a solo artist, his time with The Heartbreakers, and (most of all) his time with the Traveling Wilburys (the greatest supergroup in music history — made up of, among others, Roy Orbison, Bob Dylan and George Harrison). Read more →