I’ve been lying to myself. Ever since the moment I stepped out of prison, I’ve been lying to myself. I’ve been perpetuating a fallacy upon myself which has diluted my entire world-view and skewed my perspective of life. Because ever since I walked out of prison, I’ve been trying to convince myself (and everyone around me) that I’m a better version of who I was. I keep trying to convince myself that I’m a more moral person than who I was, a better husband than who I was, a better father than who I was, and a better friend (to my few remaining friends) than who I was.
But here’s the egregious error I’ve been making: I have been comparing who I am now with who I was then. I’ve done this in multiple blog posts and several of my books. But today, I believe I’ve come to the realization that this perspective is errant. But the fact of the matter is, I am so far removed from my past, that comparing the “me” of today to the “me” of my past has become an apples-and-oranges comparison.
The person I am now holds no resemblance to who I was then, so I must stop comparing my current state-of-being with that of the horrid person I was when I was living in the depths of the moral valley of my life. I must stop comparing myself to who I was.
What I must do instead is compare myself to who I will be in the future. Rather than looking back and lamenting about the sins of my past and taking comfort in the progress I’ve made as a person, I must look forward with hope, aspiration, and determination — I must strive to be a better person tomorrow than I am today.
As a guy in my Sex Addicts Anonymous group likes to say, I must “stop hoping for a better past.” Nothing I do now will change anything that happened in the past. However, everything I do now will impact the future. Therefore, I must be the best possible person I can be today, hoping that person will become an even better individual tomorrow.
We must all strive to be a better person tomorrow than we are today.
That, in life, is progress!