Sometimes, I can only shake my head. Sometimes, life just doesn’t seem real.
This morning, as I kissed my wife goodbye before she left to go to work, it felt like time momentarily slowed down, and I was able to take a brief instant to just look at my wife and see how amazing she looked — her beautiful blonde hair, her elegant attire, her cute and trendy aviator sunglasses, her coffee in one hand and her teacher bag in another. She is proof that sometimes I don’t get what we deserve; sometimes, I get more.
I certainly don’t deserve a woman who loves me as unconditionally as she does, and I never pass-up an opportunity to tell her this. She has gone above and beyond anything real or sane or reasonable in order to make this marriage work. Many women of weaker character would have walked away from this marriage a long time ago. But my wife believed in “forever” and “until death do us part” so much that she was willing to trudge through the worst of times to finally make it to now — the best of times.
We, of course, do not have a perfect marriage. But I can honestly say without a doubt that our marriage is stronger now than it has ever been, and I credit that to her. Seriously, if we’ve persevered through what we’ve made it through thus far, I cannot envision anything that would tear us apart. Sure, she could have left — she could have walked away from me, blameless in the eyes of God and man. But she refused. We agreed a long time ago not to put our daughter through the pains of having divorced parents, as we both did. And because of her willingness to forgive and move-on, not only will our daughter grow up in an intact home, but our struggles have brought us together as a husband and wife, and as a family. Our relationship is stronger because of our struggles. Our future is brighter because of the darkness of our past. Our bond is stronger because of the brokenness we’ve endured.
I wish I could say that our marriage is a 50/50 deal, but it’s not. We are still married because of her, not me. We are still married because of her strengths, in spite of my weaknesses. There is simply no way I can explain why I am still married — still in love — except to merely say, “Her.” So, at best, it’s 70/30. But that doesn’t mean I just accept it the way it is; I do everything I can to be as good of a husband to her as she has been a wife to me. And daily, those efforts continue.
She is way too good for me, and I will likely never become the man she deserves — but I will stop trying to be that man, for her.
This morning I looked at her and thought to myself, “I can’t believe that beautiful woman is my wife.”
Some days, it really is unbelievable…